I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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