I skipped work to stalk him.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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