i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
