btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
