Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
