I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize