I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
