I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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