he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
