dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sext me about skeletons
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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