I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
