it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
