i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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