Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
