I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
