i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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