I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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