I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
