nutella sex= disaster
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
