So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
