I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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