I hate your face
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
