i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
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