Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams