obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.