I think I died a long time ago.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type