Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night

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(205): View more from Alabama

btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever

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(985): View more from Louisiana

My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.

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21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Read it at the TFLN blog
(951): View more from California

I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.

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(219): View more from Indiana

my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is

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(407): View more from Florida

Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.

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