My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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