Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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