yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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