I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
