i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
