My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
