we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
