: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
