....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
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I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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