i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.