Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
