ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.