her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.