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i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
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