my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.