Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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