im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom