none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Fuck me I smell like cheese