he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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