Small penises have feelings too.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
