he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
