Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
