hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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