I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
