Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
third nipple confirmed
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
