mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
