Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
