I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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