I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
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