so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
All the doctor said was why
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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