It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
