Please, let me fuck your mom
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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