How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
