I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
