Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
