I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
