Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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