Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
