i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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