Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
