I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
