Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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