Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
