I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
