i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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