i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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