Define "chronic" masturbator.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In other news, I just burned my penis
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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