so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
