OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
