We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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