She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
