This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i drank out of a bidet.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
