end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Did you just see the Batmobile???
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
