Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
