I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
